So...guess who almost fell off the bridge over the river kwai....

Hello again after a freaking whirlwind tour of Northern Thailand (Amazing!!). Besides holding a 400 lb tiger on my lap, I was fortunate enough to carry Sebastian across the famed bridge over the river Kwai, and while fighting through the morbidly obese American tourists (it's not like i was carrying a baby or anything) on a 2 ft wide metal walkway running down the center of the train tracks on the bridge, I was forced to trawl along the broken wooden planks that lined the outside of the tracks, only to eventually step THROUGH THE FREAKING BRIDGE and open my shin while tossing Sebastian up to avoid both of our downfalls into the river. The Thai call your average loud-mouthed tourists Farong. All the farongs standing around me did just that; stood. All the flip-flop clad Thai workers (performing repairs on the bridge) dropped their tools and ran to save Sebastian. Farongs not make good friends.


All was well however as we made our way to Erawan National Park and swam with the same fish they use in salons to eat the dead skin from your body.



Me and our lovely driver Lehk.







Hmmm, $200 for similar fish to eat my feet at home, or swim in large natural lake filled with dozens of these fish, eating your body for free? (Sebastian nearly exploded when Sage slid down a natural water slide into the pond, lol).


After an overnight stay in the Thai equivalent of Camp Crystal Lake (Kitti Raft floating hotel, more to come on this place), we returned to Bangkok to prepare for our overnight train to Chiang Mai, 12 hrs away. We arrived and scheduled tours and made preparations got massages and toured the Night Bazaar (Durian milkshake anyone?) .

The following day i went to Laos. Yeah. 4 hrs in a small van at 90mph through the thick and thriving jungle to get to the Golden Triangle. Famed for opium traffic over the centuries, this area unites Burma, Laos, and Thailand in a cavalcade of casinos, new construction and cobra whiskey. Burma is like a giant fortress, we were shouted at for even looking too hard at the casino "resort" on the other shore. In terms of Laos, let me put it like this: Thailand = extremely happy/friendly people, illegalized gambling, and a constant party-like atmosphere; Laos = if someone hit the mute button on Thailand. It was painfully quiet, there were no animals anywhere, and the people looked like zombies.

One woman in particular stood out. She was about 30, 5'7", 100 lbs, medium length black hair, and pale skin. She moved quickly and quietly through the largest Laotian shop (dirt floor, bamboo poles, and opium pipes) and caught me by surprise. She gave me a sample of Black Lion Whiskey (Johnny Walker Black knock off) , snake whiskey, scorpion whiskey (of course i bought ALOT) and last but far from least, tiger penis whiskey.

What struck me about her was the apparent dehumanization that occurred to her at some point. I spoke Thai/Lao to her, and she only responded with what can best be described as the oo in look. "oo oo" she would say and point, and then try to slip different whiskeys into my basket. She disappeared as quickly as she arrived and I never saw her again. But her eyes, empty and vacuous, will stay with me for a very long time.

Anyways, back to happy Thailand!! Sorry no pics for this post, trust me i have plenty, but my plane for Phuket leaves in a few hours so i will write you from there!
The Whiskeys(above) Giant Grasshopper(below)
Next time: I did it!! I found fried grasshoppers, locusts, crickets, silkworms, and bamboo worms! I have footage of me eating these bugs and cooking with them stay tuned!!!!!!!!!!